Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Message to Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke

Dear Ben,

I know you must be busy, what with the U.S. economy collapsing and all, but could you do me a little favor? You see, like insurance giant AIG -- who you just nationalized with the help of $85 million in taxpayer dollars -- I have come upon some economic hard times. Not unlike many of my 20-something peers, I am saddled with a good deal of college debt (has Sallie Mae gone under yet?), and though I have a good job, I have nevertheless spent most of my money frivolously. Though I have acted irresponsibly, lending money to all of my friends when I didn't really have any and generally pretending to be worth a lot more than I really am, I have to ask: how 'bout a bailout?

Now I know there are a lot of other people are struggling out there. Banks are collapsing, houses are being foreclosed upon, and pretty much everyone but defense contractors is having to cut back on their expenses. 

So that said -- and I don't want to sound conceited or anything -- but let's face it: I'm a pretty big deal. You know it, I know it. The people that read this here blog know it.

But this isn't about me. It never was. No, this about the people that rely on me. I could care less if I go under, but what about those people that depend on me? And their families?

Hell, let me get to the point: I'm too big to fail.

Give me money.


Charles Davis


PS -- For all you concerned granola eating types or right-wing militiamen who might object to my unabashed attempt to get the federal gub'mint to finance my lavish lifestyle at your expense, I suggest you check out Chris Floyd's latest post, which provided the inspiration for my request:
The rich and powerful spend years making foolish deals in a market they rigged with the connivance of utterly corrupted politicians on both sides the aisle; their fraudulent scheme finally collapses, exposing them to some of the most horrific financial losses in history....and YOU will have to pay for it. For generations. Not only directly, with the tax money straight from your pocket, but even more so in the further degradation of national life: infrastructure, services, programs, amenities that will be starved or abandoned as even more of the government's money is poured out to shield the wastrel elite from suffering the consequences of their own rapacious folly.
Sign me up for some of that!

By the way -- what is up with bald guys with facial hair always trying to nationalize things?


  1. Anonymous11:00 PM

    this might be the true nature of things

  2. I saw that earlier and meant to write about it here, but as I'm sure you can understand, i decided to suspend my blogging over the past week in order to show my respects for the recently deceased U.S. financial sector.

  3. Anonymous7:27 AM

    i can totally understand!